P.S. I can't hear my feet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
