If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize