NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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