That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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