flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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