I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize