Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
