Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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