Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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