I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
