i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
