Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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