Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
