yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
