Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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