That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
