He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
