I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
