I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
