He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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