I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
