How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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