just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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