Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
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Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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