I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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