oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
