Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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