you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
