i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
