I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
