how can u be prego again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
