I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
