i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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