its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
