Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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