I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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