So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
