You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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