I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
