He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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