my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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