I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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