she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
