His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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