my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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