Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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