New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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