i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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