oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
