so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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