Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
