you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
