ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
