alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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