I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
