forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I met the friendliest cop last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
