Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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