wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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