could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They took my balls.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
