why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
