I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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