I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
