If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
