I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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