Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
